Sunday, 31 October 2010

Halloween Tits are Awesome!

I am a culinary genius

Not only did I switch from my plan of pre prepared chicken to make an awesome chilli mainly comprising pork loin and baked beans. 


I also whipped up the grateful Mrs a deep fried and battered (beer batter of course) mars bar with dollop of ice cream. 

Yes, I am awesome.

The curious case of the people who hate doors

Mrs Sumo, being surprisingly sensible for a hot blonde, took advantage of the generous relocation package offered at Evil Pharma Co some 8 years ago when she joined. Granted this resulted in a poky 2 bed (or 1 bed and sizeable cupboard) in Hobo'sville Rural Cheshire. Nice if you want to send your braying sprogs to King's School but also mundane slow death to anyone under 80. 

On my quitting London and moving up to live with Mrs Sumo I quickly came to the conclusion that I would claw my eyes out with scissors than live in that bluddy place and so we thankfully grabbed the first Manchester flat we looked round. There being a credit crunch and all, afore mentioned poky terrace house could not be sold at serious profit so Mrs S rented it out. And being a fcuking sap/sucker for a sob story she rented it to random woman with two hyper kids and a cheque from the social. 

Having considered and reasoned that having the mortgage paid by HMG is comparable to a tax credit I ceased neigh saying the plan and went back to enjoying nationally recognisable chain stores and pubs.

Ocassionally Mrs Sumo has mentioned things like 
"That's the 3 time I've had to get a plumber out to fix that shower for them"
"They say the oven doesn't work but it's okay because they don't use it"
"They say a handle fell off the window and broke the inside pane of glass"
Normally I sort of grunt and go back to playing conquer the world/galaxy/shoot everything type games. Until this one started to frequently crop up. 
"They seem to have taken off the doors"


Now the tenants are moving out. (and as an aside Mrs S has shown her sappishness and is going to rent to a girl on DSS whose credit check came back bad and who wants to paint the house pink) Mrs Sumo has been round to take inventory and found that all but 2 doors have been taken off, at least 2 of which are actually missing from the premises?
2 dining room doors vanished
1 living room to hall door, taken off
spare room door, taken off
cupboard doors, missing
and then it gets even more weird because the two remaining doors, main bedroom and bathroom have had hook and latch locks put on them in the top corners. 

I don't understand what these people have against doors? I don't know if maybe it is a cultural English thing that I am not privy to, certainly in Scotland we value doors not least for their ability to keep the heat in a room during the winter, perhaps it's different down here because it is warmer but I suspect I am clutching at straws and basically a bunch of crazies with mental kids have stolen out doors. 

Thursday, 28 October 2010

So? what kind of lawyer are you?

On Freedom

"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner."
James Bovard, Lost Rights. The Destruction of American Liberty

When it comes to wasting police time, the biggest offenders appear to be...the police.

From the Register

So, the Home Office has realised what everyone has been saying for years, that the Police power under S44 of the terrorism act is a fcuking joke and at best is used by the uppity thug fcuks we have for rozzers in the UK (well possibly the scumbags in the Met more than anyone else) to just hassle the ordinary person going about his business. 

When it comes to wasting police time, the biggest offenders appear to be...the police. That, at least, appears to be the conclusion of the Home Office. Its official statistics, published today, show that while police stopped over 100,000 individuals last year to "prevent acts of terrorism", there was not a single arrest for a terror offence as a result of these stops.

This perhaps is the final nail in the coffin for the widely criticised section 44 of the Terrorism Act 2000, which gives police forces powers to stop and search individuals – in so-called "designated areas" - to prevent acts of terrorism without the need for reasonable grounds of suspicion. According to today’s report: "In 2009/10, 101,248 stops-and-searches were made under this power.

What a fcuking joke!

Monday, 25 October 2010

Tits are awesome

Cameron picks winners to create UK growth

from the BBC

And yet I still you can still find idiot, battered wife, Tory loyalists telling me that are on the right and that there is some sort of ideological battle between them and labour. 

Looks like it is back to horrors of a planned economy in the UK. 

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

I will literally rip my own face off if I hear 1 more moron journalist bleating 'why do we need air craft carriers'

A navy with an arse-kicking fleet carrier always at sea is tremendously more powerful than one without: a two-carrier RN, should it be required to, could easily defeat the Italians out of hand - and the French too, by simply waiting until their one and only carrier is in maintenance. The number of floating tin cans (frigates as they are commonly called) possessed by either side is a complete non-issue.

A future non-carrier RN, wishing to send warships - or protect any sea lanes! - beneath the footprint of even a poxy little foreign air force would be dependent on the USN or France to guarantee their safety. You can't protect sea lanes with destroyers and frigates: even the £1bn+ Type 45 destroyer can only defend a piece of sea perhaps fifty miles across from low-flying or surface attackers*, as it is on the surface and thus its radars cannot see very far.
If you think you can protect trade with frigates then you pretty much have to believe that the Earth is flat.

Again in the case of non-nuclear submarines (the only kind we are ever likely to fight) the primary weapon is airborne radar scanning huge swathes of ocean. This forces the boats to submerge and pull down their masts - and thus in the case of conventionally-powered subs it blinds them, cuts off their comms and pins them to the map.

Fit them both with electro magnetic catapults and fill them with lovely cheap F-18s, and fob off the Pentagon (and the US anti-F35 lobby) by staying in the F-35 test programme and saying that we'll buy some F-35Cs at some undetermined future point, when they have become cheap and our current financial woes are in the past.

As Regards Cyber Crime

I am literally ready to shoot myself. This has come from nowhere to be the big mega issue of the moment, I do wonder if this is something to do with Cybercrime expert department (or GCHQ as you may know it) briefly furiously about the dangers of cybercrime and how if HMG is considering, oh I dunno, cuts? That any cuts to GCHQ would be a very bad idea, Cyber crime don't you know! It's hiding under your bed with Bin Laden and will get you!

Iain Lobban, head of the GCHQ, warned that the the UK government is targeted with over 1,000 cyber attacks a month.

Sean Sullivan, security advisor for F-Secure, commented: "Iain Lobban’s comments seem strategically timed to protect GCHQ’s funding ahead of the Comprehensive Spending Review announcement on 20 October."

"One could even argue they are over-hyped because the sort of attacks or worms he refers to are very common and have been for some time. They are experienced by all sorts of different organisations failing to implement best security practices - not just Government agencies," Sullivan added.

F-Secure reckon the number of targeted email attacks has risen across all sectors of the UK economy. "The US's cyber command also recently spoke of worms 'targeting' them but, once again, most of these worms target everybody," Sullivan added.

(most of this is pinched from the Register)

Saturday, 16 October 2010

In hindsight

Trying to sell the opportunity to 'get your picture taken with Jonathan Ross' while trying to convince the public of Manchester that my mate was Jonathan Ross, not such a goo plan. 

Battleships are cool

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

On George Carlin

Here's some bumper stickers I'd like to see:
  • We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
  • We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.
  • We have a daughter in public school who hasn't been knocked up yet.
  • We have a son in public school who hasn't shot any of his classmates yet. But he does sell drugs to your honor student. Plus he knocked up your daughter.
  • We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus.

From the Lady Sack (Patent Pending)

Sir Paul Stephenson in 'Police are entitled to be thugs and exempt from the law' non shocker

From the Solicitor's Journal

Sir Paul Stephenson, commissioner of the Met, has been accused of delivering a “distraction punch” after it emerged that he had privately lobbied home secretary Theresa May to make it harder for people to sue the police.

No surprise there, Cheif of the Met running to the Home Seccie to beg for a get out when his useless thuggish officers club innocent people to death.

Jules Carey, partner in the police team at national firm Tuckers said “With his budget under threat, this private lobbying of the home secretary is a high visibility attempt to divert attention away from his more vulnerable areas of expenditure and to a favourite national bogeyman and alleged cost driver – the fat cat lawyer.”

Carey said the annual cost to the Met of all lawyers representing claimants was approximately £1.6m a year, compared to the £6m a year the Met spent on its own lawyers.
Here we go the Met spends almost 4 times more defending it's shocking abuse of power than those who have been on the recieving end of a thug in a high vis coat? But of course it's not the Met's fault, poor Met, feel sorry for the Met.

Carey said questions should also be asked about the directorate of professional standards, responsible for investigating complaints against police officers. He said that of the 10,849 complaints lodged against the Met last year, only 152 were upheld.

0.1% of the 30 complaints a day against the Met have been upheld? And this fcuktard thinks he should be exempt from civil actions because it's too expensive for him?

NWA were right on.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

On Freedom

I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. 
Robert A. Heinlein 

Tits are awesome

Note to girls, those sleeve tattoos are slamming hot

On Liberty

When any government, or any church for that matter, undertakes to say to its subjects, This you may not read, this you must not see, this you are forbidden to know, the end result is tyranny and oppression no matter how holy the motives.
Robert A. Heinlein